I have been waiting to write something interesting from quite a long time now. Found a few nice topics which i initially thought deserved something to write on but then dint really interest me much.
Today on a lazy Sunday evening, a thought just passed my mind. The thought was about the sub conscious mind(the s-mind) and its counterpart i.ee the programmed mind(the p-mind).
There was a time in my life when i used to rely only on my instincts. I used to do whatever i like without caring about anything or anyone. There was no fear about anything and my mind and heart were very happy since i was doing what i liked to do.
But then one day i realised that my life has become in disciplined because of all this. I am only doing what i like to do but not what i am supposed to do. From that day, i again started following the rat race doing what i am supposed to do i.e. get some good grades in college, thinking 100 times before doing something and then doing it. No doubt i achieved success because of this but it came at a cost.
I didn't realise it at that moment but i realise it now, the cost was losing my spontaneity and not using my subconscious mind. The part of mind which i started using was the programmed one. It was like you plan something for future, follow the steps as it is to achieve what you have planned and then achieve it. I did achieve things following this approach but at the cost of my happiness. There was no element of surprise in me, life dint seem exciting. The mind was always busy evaluating what i did was right or wrong. Thinking if there is a way i could have improved on what i have already done. I don't say this thinking is wrong but what about the present moments which i lost because of this. I remember the times when i was sitting with the best of people i liked but then thinking about some other stuff while talking to them. I don't say i dint pay attention to them but yes i was also thinking about something else while talking to them.
I finally say today that yes i used the programmed part of my mind which did whatever it was taught to do. I told it to work hard and it did. I told it to finish assignments by tomorrow and it did. It gave me success but it snatched away the creative or spontaneous part of me. Now, i feel stress while taking small small decisions in life. The reason is that now i take much more time to think because i am using my so called programmed mind and not the spontaneous one. Even after taking so much time and finally reaching a conclusion, the p-mind keeps on pondering if the decision i made was right or wrong. Then somehow it tries to convince me that yeah what u did was right. Thus stress is followed even after i take the decision.
So, where do i go from here. There is one part of my mind which keeps me happy, keeps me excited, allows me to enjoy each and every moment of my life. I am talking about my spontaneous mind here but it also has a cost attached. Since everything is spontaneous, thus there is least planning involved which may be dangerous at times. But that danger also looks exciting then.
Now i have decided something, i have decided to use my s-mind because the p-mind has no doubt given me success but at the cost of my happiness. Moreover, i somehow think that now at this stage of my life the s-part should also have become quite matured.
I hear people saying "Happiness follows success". I have one thing to say to those people that there is nothing above happiness. Money, fame, success all appear minuscule in front of it.
Live life happily, if u r successful also that is a bonus but even if you are only happy in life u have found the right combo going for you.
